That seems to me to be too pessimistic a view, one which doesn't even allow the possibility that some men might marry happily and have children and raise another generation of Westerners.
And, what's worse, some of the feminist women who visit the site have an even more pessimistic view of relationships than the men. One comment from "Amanda" is one of the most dismal I have ever come across:
It’s a shame, at first I thought this site would be about men also wanting equality, about the sexism shown men. Now I can see it’s a bunch of sexist angry men abusing women.
As a woman, yes I am ashamed to be one most of the time, but equally I also admit, men, if women are being honest, are not what women want……but have been socially conditioned to drop their standards to get with them anyway. If women were being honest, there would be a majority of celibate single women out there and very few in relationships. Probably equally so, men would say the same if the truth were actually being told. We make each other miserable right now as we are in a time of change.
[Men are not what women want? Women are not what men want? That's way too pessimistic a view. It's certainly not true for men. It's natural for young men to be crazy about girls - and to think of the desirability and the beauty of women as one of the great experiences in life.]
I can put it simply what will make it easier...take away your preconceptions about men and women. Stop trying to control women with labels, a feminist is not angry, or bitter and nor is she necessarily a man hater. My best friends are all but 2 men. Do I like them from a relationship perspective? No and I am honest about that, no what men offer, I don’t want (other than I find them physically attractive and great friends to have). Do I like how men try and control me...no, not at all. DO I like how men sexualise women? No I really don’t. Do I like how men almost treat women like children who don’t know anything, no I don’t as I am smarter than most men and earn more than most thank you. Do I like how as a woman I am expected to be a certain way and perform certain duties? No I don’t. You get the point...you have to admit, you guys do love to make a woman feel like a freak for speaking out and being honest about how she feels, what she thinks or what she really wants. You do love to silence by using labels like angry, bitter, issues and psycho.
[Amanda doesn't want what men offer. Again, a dismal view. Already, we get the idea that Amanda doesn't like traditional gender roles and because of this has been alienated from normal human relationships. Her ideology is getting in the way of a loving relationship with a man.]
I get you guys, yes I would love even as a woman to come home to a gorgeous man, who looked after my kids, was kind and loving and made me nice food and made sure my home was all cozy and lovely. Wouldn’t anyone? It just isn’t fair that you guys are the only ones who get that, so cut us so called feminist some slack, we want that too….it isn’t just you who has a right to the beautiful stay home parent and home maker dream……we just have our dream with a gorgeous manly man (no we dont want weak feeble men and I hate that you make out stay home dads and guys who also want equality are in some way pansys or weak guys dominated by bossy women).
[Amanda misunderstands the male commenters at The Spearhead. They have rejected the traditional ideal of having a loving wife at home. They consider that entrapment or oppression of the male. Again, note that Amanda's rejection of traditional gender roles means that she has been pushed a long, long way away from a normal relationship. She is asking men to transform themselves into feminine homemakers, but without losing their masculinity. That's her asking price for a relationship, one which is obviously likely to keep her single.]
I agree though on this topic, women are dropping their standards and they shouldn’t. I have been celibate for three and a half years now as I want what I offer, I want an equal and I will not get with a guy who thinks it’s in any way womens work to stay home and raise the kids and he would have to believe it’s equally a males role. I would not accept gender roles in that respect………hence I accept I will likely be single forever and I am fine with that, as I have an awesome life and lack nothing. Not saying it wouldn’t be nice to have a gorgeous guy who I adored, but I fear, just as the guy who wrote this article does, that wanting it too much will make you settle as a woman. Don’t forget the rubbish we have been sold since we were born, dependence on men, their approval, we are nothing without a man in our life. I don’t believe that obviously, I like being single and its only going to be my best mate who makes my heart melt and my knees go weak am I ever going to change that for, a guy I genuinely like and respect who doesn’t have any sexist ideas about his or my gender.
[She knows that she is likely to be single forever because she rejects the idea of feminine or masculine roles in relationships despite retaining a heterosexual preference for masculine men. She has boxed herself into a corner. She wants a man who makes her go weak at the knees but he is not to assert masculine preferences as that would be "sexism". Good luck with that Amanda.]
I am a feminist I guess, but I prefer to have a new term, one that just wants to get rid of labels based on gender and is open for men and women to have equality, as equality is not just a womans to chase...as this article points out , there is much sexism toward men (see the court system tacking kids away from men as the woman gets awarded based on her gender, men expected to provide still by many sexist womens attitudes where the guy may want to stay home) . I am as aggressive, competitive and strong as any guy, I dress very feminine, not even a hint of butch before anyone suggests it, I wear make up, have long hair and all that typical stuff of the very feminine woman. However, thats where it stops for me and I won’t fit into a ‘womans role’ and I find it the most unattractive thing to see guys fitting into typical ‘mens roles’ just to conform with their fellow males.
[The unprincipled exception. She thinks that our sex shouldn't matter and yet she still presents herself in a feminine way. Perhaps gender identity matters to her more than she's willing to admit. Or perhaps she knows that heterosexuality really does require an expression of the feminine in women. But her compromise is not a consistent one. She's going to dress feminine but act masculine. Maybe she's internalised an idea that feminine behaviour is inferior to masculine behaviour. If so, that's a great pity. Nor do I think that too many self-confident men are going to accept a deal in which a woman dresses like a woman but acts like a man.]
Instead of fighting against each other and fighting against feminists, we should ditch the terminology and join together, for absolute equality….to ditch all of the social conditioned rubbish forced on both genders and accept (and reject) each other based on there not being a good fit if thats not the case.
Isn’t it better both genders be just who they are and admit they don’t fit from a relationship perspctive?
[They don't fit, Amanda, because you believe that the masculine role is the privileged one and so you want both sexes to follow a masculine path. So there can no longer be complementary relationships between men and women.]
To the calls of look at nature arguers. I tell you the following, females sleep with males only when they want to get pregnant, they sleep with many males at that time, all of the best genetic males only, then they leave. Most males die virgins as only the best genetic make ups ever get laid. Many males get killed by females for trying to mate. You get the point, the nature argument of animals cannot be used to control women back into the kitchen.
[This girl needs a good lie down on a sunny Queensland beach. What a dark and dismal view. As it happens, there is a lot of variation in the animal kingdom when it comes to sex selection. But pair bonding is not that uncommon. And it's even more common for mothers to be the primary caregivers of the young.]
I am a firm believer, when you look at all the couples you know, that in half the cases, the man has more nurturing, kind, warm traits which are better suited to the parental role in a family. However, stupid ideas about it being a womans role mean there are many miserable depressed males going out there slogging his guts out hating his job when really he is the nurturer had he not been socially conditioned otherwise. Then you have many competitive, protective, assertive, strong women who are miserable doing her gender role as stay home parent and home maker when really she would have been an excellent CEO/Engineer etc.
[She gives the game away when she claims that half of men are better suited to the "parental" role in a family. Note that she only recognises one "parental" role rather than distinct maternal and paternal ones. And note that she specifies exactly half of men being better suited to the "parental" role - this is not an accident, it's necessary if she wants to decouple gender from family roles. It's ideology run riot.]
I fight for both sides, I want nothing but to get rid of gender roles and assumptions about both genders. We are PEOPLE, nothing but people, not gender roles and the sooner we all realise this the better and happier we will all become.
[As I've said many times, the aim of a liberal society is to make gender not matter. But look at what it means for relationships. You end up with women like Amanda who have been made wholly unfit for marriage and who preach an extraordinarily dismal theory of how men and women should interact.]
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